12 Meet Sarah & Derek-An Unplanned Pregnancy & Cervical Scar Tissue Challenges Their Birth Story

Heidi sits down with Sarah and Derek, a family she was the doula for, to talk about their first unplanned pregnancy and what that meant for their new and rocky marriage at the time. These two discuss how growing their family helped to heal their marriage and mom Sarah explains her experience utilizing an epidural for pain management due to cervical scarring. The couple's favorite baby product is The Topponcino.

Looking for a Virtual Doula to create a custom birthing experience and guide you through your journey to parenthood in the United States? Contact Heidi at www.mydoulaheidi.com

For additional free birth education resources and to purchase Heidi’s book, Birth Story: Pregnancy Guidebook + Journal, visit www.birthstory.com.

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TRANSCRIPTION

What does a contraction feel like? How do I know if I'm in labor and what does the day of labor look like? Wait, is this normal? Hey, I'm Heidi Campbell, a certified birth doula host of this podcast, birth story and owner of my doula, Heidi. I have supported hundreds of women through their labor and deliveries.

And I believe that every one of them and you deserves a microphone and a stage. So here we are listen each week to get answers to these tough questions and more birth story, where we talk about pregnancy labor deliveries, where we tell our stories, share our feelings. And of course chat about our favorite baby products and motherhood.

And because I'm passionate about birth outcomes, you will hear from some of the top experts in labor and delivery, whether you are pregnant, trying desperately to get pregnant. I hope you will stick around and be part of this tribe on today's podcast. We have Derek and Sarah that are here. Sarah is so cute pregnant with baby number two.

And I'm bringing these guys on because full disclosure, they're some of my best friends. I got to be part of their birth story, but no for the whole entire thing. And so I just can't wait to hear. Their perspective on baby. Number one, as the labor and delivery of baby number two is about to come. So Hey guys.

Hi. All right. So Derek so nervous that he has like a Mike Carter lemonade. I'm going to start with you Derek. Okay. So let's go back to before Sarah was pregnant and tell me about like what the process to get pregnant was like, just telling me. About that time and what it was like leading up to that pregnancy and then finding out Sarah was pregnant.

Oh, that's a whole podcast in and of itself. Cause I, there wasn't, you know, you think that that would be a lot of fun, but it was kind of. Traumatic I think for us, cause it wasn't planned and we were early, you know, months into our marriage and trying to figure that out. And we're already kind of having some fears and problems and um, just anxieties about.

What, you know, the health of our managers was going to look like, and, um, then were pregnant one on what felt like to me the first try almost. So, you know, there's going to be a lot of people that are listening to this podcast that have kind of that same reaction and aren't even married. So I think it's really important to hear all the types of.

How I got pregnant and stories, not just, Oh my God, we were training forever. And it was great. You know? So you guys weren't, you were not trying to get pregnant Shaya her name's baby Shaya. That's what my kids color at least baby Shaya. So baby shy just showed up. So yeah, you won't be in to tell you how that like.

What that looks like for, I mean, three months I was, you know, devastated kind of let me chime in Sarah. So unplanned pregnancy. How old were you when you got pregnant with Shaya? Oh, geez. I think I was 35, 30, six, 30, six 30. I have no idea. I don't even know how old, how old am I now? 37 35. We were. Okay, so you were 30.

I stopped. Counting. Okay. So 35 newlyweds, like not trying, how did you know you were pregnant? Oh, I felt terrible right away. Oh yeah. I felt terrible. And my, my breasts were enlarged and really tender and that was probably, Oh goodness. Couple of weeks. Did you have a regular period that you missed? I did.

Yeah. Okay. So did you tell the Eric right away? How did that work? I did not. I took the exam one morning before we went to church and I was in utter shock and I needed did several hours to just, just the new material that my brain is receiving. And yeah, I told him after church. Okay. So you knew for a couple of hours?

Yes. That's pretty good. You told Derek. I did. Now he's telling us right now that. This was like, kind of shocking to him, but what was his reaction? Like, how did you perceive his reaction at the time? I honestly can't remember. Cause I think I was so stunned. I was so shocked that it was happening as well.

Cause it definitely wasn't planned and, um, I don't think I was really grounded in the new material that was coming across my way. And so it took me a while to absorb that this is, this is really happening. So I don't think I was like fully, um, you didn't mind it of what was going on for him. I'm like, okay, you didn't really care at that point.

And that makes sense. Um, at this point you said you were feeling awful, but had you like vomited or anything early on. Aye. So probably the first several months I was very sick, nausea, vomiting, um, just felt terrible. So yeah, some of the physical symptoms were starting at this point and I think I was only a couple of weeks along, but I, I just had the physical symptoms and then miss period.

And then you take the, the, the test and it's like, yep. Okay. Now, did you just take one test? I, did you take multiple tests tests? Did you like bleed or go back to the store or did you just believe the one test? I believe the one test and also what I was feeling in my body. I'm like, I don't know. Okay. Yes.

Is so different. Okay. Yeah. So Derek, you were kind of shocked. Both of you guys were shocked. So what did the next couple of months look like as you accepted the pregnancy and Sarah wasn't feeling good? Like from a dad's perspective that wasn't. Expecting to have a baby right then. And on top of it, your wife was not feeling good.

So just raw. What were those couple of months like brutal. It was just not good. You know, I wouldn't, I wasn't a dad, you know, a lot of people say, you know, well, Dads don't become dads until the day they hold their child. But yeah, I don't think that's true. Were you, when you started to see the physical effects, if you have a good relationship, I think that, you know, it's pretty real.

Um, but I wasn't real to me and, you know, um, being somebody who always was kind of like. Um, I wouldn't say like a passionate pro-life person, but that argument made sense to me more and still does, but you know, all of that was kind of on the table in my head, because to me it felt like if we have this child, our, um, relationship, because it's going to end, or it'll be the death of our marriage.

If we have a child right now, And so my focus was not on, you know, this, um, life and their, um, deservedness of, of having a life. It was, um, my life and my marriage and. You know, what is the probability of success in, in that? And it didn't seem like this was going to do anything, but drive a stake in it. Yeah.

I think it's really valid to hear you say that. Um, at least it sounds like that you were more interested in that point and being a husband than you were in being a dad. If you could go back to that moment. Well, yeah, only because, I mean, I always wanted to eventually be a dad that was the purpose, a big purpose in getting married and finding, you know, um, the right wife is, was in my mind as somebody who's going to be a good mom, but we were, you know, six months into a marriage that wasn't going, how either of us had planned.

So to me, I just couldn't, there was no way I could warp speed into like time to, you know, transform into super dad. And like that wasn't, to me, there was still a chance whether it be nature or our own intervention. That this could not come to fruition. And in my head, I was fully convinced that if that happened, we would have a better chance of succeeding at our marriage, which seems absurd now because it actually fixed a lot of things.

Yeah. I was like, there you are later with baby number two. So it doesn't do that. Not for everybody. So anybody listening, don't take that as advice, but I'm, I'm glad that we're sitting here in this circumstance and that you guys are being so honest about that. So theory, you weren't feeling good. And then you get to that 20 week ultrasound.

Did you have an ultrasound before that? We had an ultrasound, I believe I was about five or six weeks pregnant. Okay. And at that point, did you, did you get to see the heartbeat? Oh God. Yeah. I heard her and I saw, saw her on the ultrasound screen and it was. It just was amazing. And Derek, were you at that appointment?

Was I okay. Okay. Do you, um, do you remember, did that change anything for you? Like seeing the actual baby and the heart rate beat? No. Okay. So still, I mean, that's really, that's a really early, that's a confirmation ultrasound, so that's really early. I mean, the baby kind of looks like a tadpole, not even.

Like with flip burgers, not even a real baby at that point. So she was a dot a little dot exactly. Like in that flicker is maybe a heartbeat. Okay. So let's fast forward to about like 13 weeks. If I remember correctly, you got, did you get the blood test done for gender? I did. It was, it was someone to say that the 16th week probably.

Okay. 15th, 16th. So, so just early confirmation. So how does that. Like I didn't do that. So what does that look like? Do they just take your blood and send it off? Took our blood, send it off to a lab and called you. There's no genetic, um, concerns and it's a girl. Very cool. Did that, did your insurance pay for that?

No. So that was cash money. Yeah. How much, how much did that, that one cost. Oh goodness. Maybe $200. Oh, and the second go round was, um, for this second baby, it was seven 50 and you get a voucher from some nonprofit for about $400. And I can't remember who the nonprofit is. So, um, so it ends up being like a couple hundred more.

That's a lot of money. So is that just, did your insurance changed? No. The doctor changed the lab locations that they used. So, so it became out of network then? Correct. Okay. They were both out of network. Okay. Well, that's a good range. So somewhere between 200, $800 to do genetic testing and find out the gender.

So you get to the 20 week ultrasound and then did Derek get to come to that one? Derek to my recollection, he. Probably went to at least three fourths of the ultrasound. He didn't go towards the end when I was kind of in that pattern of going biweekly. He, he wasn't so much then, but he, I think he went to all of the first three or four ultrasounds that we had.

Do you, you went several times with me to the OB. Was there ever a point in her pregnancy where you felt connected to the baby? Like before Shaya was born? Um, yeah, when I, when I could see that there was a baby in there without having to look at technology. Okay. So just like actually like seeing like Sarah's belly grow.

Yeah. That's, you know, So that's a really big deal. And also I think part of it is seeing the struggle of have someone physically struggle, caring, you know, it's, it's, it's a tall task. And so you want to, you know, if you have any compassionate at all, even though for the. Until we got there, we were kind of enemies.

You know, she was, she, her only concern was protect for this unborn child. And I was kind of a threat to that. Cause my attitude wasn't in the right place. Derek, you shared that the first couple of months were difficult for you guys. What was the turning point? I think, you know, a combination of having the right family members and friends and, um, therapy, we went to therapy, you know, and, uh, just none of the options were good options.

So I just kind of did the right thing and, and came around and initially was an act. And I was just like trying to save my marriage and. Eventually I figured out that in doing so I was losing my marriage because she was going to do what was right for this baby inside of her come hell or high water. It was like, you know, you can go to hell, you can be damned.

You can do whatever you want, but me and this baby are going to have a life. You can view the, a part of it or not. And I was like, well, shit. I tried to play hard ball. And that didn't that backfired. So I went along and then, and then, you know, watching, um, her hanging in there and then kind of accept me back in is no longer a threat through all of these.

It just took time and effort on my part and openness on her part. And. I just kind of fell in love with the experience she was going through. And, um, it's, it's the Mike's harder lemonade. Yeah. Uh, getting a little choked up. You're making me get choked, you know, and, and seeing somebody labor. Like not in labor yet, but just labor for, uh, as the baby grows.

Yeah. Yeah. So, so this is like such an interesting dynamic, cause I'm just like watching, like Sarah's sensitivity, like to hear this story, but also I'm sure this is bringing back a lot of feelings for you. And I wanted to just like sit there for a minute because for moms, we a hundred percent. Our moms from like the moment we find out that we have a welcomed pregnancy or that we're going to welcome that pregnancy.

And when, especially when it's the first time, like there's totally a shift with the way we see our partners. And. At it's I think up until that moment, like your partner is sort of your number one. And then there is a shift where it's like my body and my baby are number one. And he was, he, he clearly Derek knew and understood that.

And so, Sarah, I just wanted to hear from you a little bit on what it was like for your. Body like you were sick, but like your body was changing. Your body was growing. Like there was part of you that was probably, I may or may not be doing this on my own. Just kind of tell me about what that was like for you to watch your body.

Change and, and see your relationship shift. I, so it was struggle and a half for me, cause I I'm the kind of person I'm on the go, I get things done. And pregnancy was probably one of the greater learning lessons for me in life of slowing down and being more open and receptive to things in life. Um, I was not ready to accept the limitations of my body.

Um, at that point I was used to running miles. I was used to. Working really hard working, putting in many hours. And then when you're pregnant, there are so many physical limitations that you have. So that was a really hard thing for me to accept. And I'm struggling with that with this pregnancy too. Um, but it was also an amazing learning lesson for me in life and taking things slow and you don't always have to be so achievement oriented.

So that was hard. That was, um, something to juggle. And then the other thing is, is when I finally got out of the first trimester, I was feeling better and was seeing my belly grow. That was just a really cool and wild experience to me. Um, and so the second trimester was definitely my friend. Uh, so do you remember when Shaya, like you felt shy?

I started moving and kicking for the first time. I was about a 18 weeks, I think. And it was pretty damn cool. Yeah. And then as she's growing and I feel like this get in third trimester, you're just growing so fast and you observe it even more at that point. And they're just moving all around constantly.

And so it was just, it was really cool to. Feel a human inside of you. So I've never experienced that before. So now today, how many weeks pregnant are you right now? Aye. Wednesday, I will be right at the seven months. So is at 28 weeks. So you're getting ready to transition into that trimester. And how are you feeling right now?

Cause you look amazing. I feel, I feel huge and uncomfortable. For everyone listening. She is not cute, maybe so. Yeah. I've had to slow down even more. So again, another learning experience and slowing down in life for me. Yeah. Somebody told me recently that the journey to, um, Parenthood, sometimes it comes, um, When you're trying to get pregnant like that, you learn the lesson that we are in control of nothing.

And then, um, sometimes we get pregnant easily or when we're not expecting to, and we learn that we're not in control. And then other people say that they learn it while they're pregnant and their bodies are growing and they can't do the things that they once could do. Um, and then when all that goes smoothly, Well shit, you learned that lesson in Parenthood.

So it comes, I thought that was really neat to see, like, you know, like sometimes we get that lesson really early. Yeah. I'm definitely in the third category. Yeah. I have to be in it to have it. Okay. So let's kind of jump forward to the end of your pregnancy. Were you guys in a good space? Um, your marriage, was it in a good space by the end of your pregnancy?

And by the time you were, your labor was approaching from what I can remember? I think we were, we were, we had gone through a series of couples therapy and, um, Yeah, I think we were in a much better place at that point. Yeah. Yeah. I agree. Okay. Now I would probably chime in and integrate because labor will kind of dig into the deepest part of your soul and kind of bring out a lot of emotions.

And, um, if you go into your labor, not in a good place. Your labor and delivery are going to reflect that. And I think that you had a beautiful labor and a beautiful delivery and you guys were very supportive of each other. Um, so it's yeah. Awesome to hear that you kind of moved through this difficulty circumstance, did all the things.

Like how many people don't go to counseling and don't go to church and don't talk to your friends. So like, and don't talk to each other. So like, did all the things put the baby up here on the pedestal where she belongs and kind of move together. And now let's talk about like, The day you went into labor because it was awesome.

And I want you to tell everybody all about it. So yeah, there you go. Can you start? So from your perspective, what is it, what did it look like? The early beginning stages? Like when Sarah was like, Okay, this is happening. Uh, as we tried to figure out on the way here, I, I remember it being like a little after midnight when she woke up and said, I'm in labor.

And I was like, wow, it's going to be a long night. And then, uh, it was like five or six hours later. That we felt it was okay to call you and see what we should do. Or, you know, we knew it was gonna be a long time before we could go to the hospital. So I think it was, you know, around six, seven o'clock hour that we called you and you came over and helped her just kind of hang in there, walk around and take a bath.

And, uh, you know, but it was. Her pain tolerance is not the greatest. So I think that those first, um, what do we call them again? Contraction. Yes. As Derek's moving his hands out around his belly. So yeah, it was intense. I mean, I could tell something big was happening and, uh, You know, but I also knew from all of your coaching and that it was still going to be a really long time for, we could go and do anything about it.

So I just tried to stay calm and act like this is exactly what's supposed to be happening and wait for you to get there. So Sarah, do you agree with the midnight timeline? Like what was the conversation in the car coming here around that time? Okay. So what were the first signs of labor for you? It was just a cramping.

Okay. In the back and the front, like where do you remember? Fall in the lower abdomen and lower back. Okay. What some people describe it as like a really bad period cramp. Yeah, it was, I remember the word I would use for it is it was an annoyance too. Okay. Yeah. An annoying little cramp. So were you able to you go to sleep that night?

I wasn't. No. So you were up all night, so, um, to anyone who's listening. Go to sleep in early labor or try. Yeah. Um, so how did you just lay down in bed? Like what did you do from midnight until seven in the morning? Well, I remember going upstairs to the guest room and just kind of flipping back and forth.

And then finally just going down, I recall it being about four, four 30. I'm not sure what, what you remember Derek, but it just. It was just getting worse and I felt alone, upstairs. So I just wanted comfort from him. So I, so then you came back down, a lot of women will say that they want to be alone at the very beginning.

Yeah. Just kind of get like their mind centered. Um, and then at some point then we reach for, you know, support. So all of that, like naturally makes tons of sense. Do you remember early labor? Like how far apart? I have no idea. So. I don't know. I didn't know if you remember so around like seven o'clock in the morning or so, like, I remember I got there.

Um, but how did that day like unfold for you guys?

I mean, you know, I was thinking. That given she was having some sort of contractions, whether or not she felt like it was officially going into labor or whatever around midnight. And then we were up all night just waiting for you, waiting for the appropriate hour to call Heidi and get you over there. And, uh, and then you got there and in my head, I'm thinking, okay, so, you know, we've been doing this for six, seven, eight hours now.

There's no way possible that. Uh, we're still going to be doing this and at the hospital, when the Panthers play on Thursday night for the first game of the year. So I, you know, my head was a little bit there. I was like, this is great timing. We're gonna knock this out, get home and have our new baby. And you know, we'll have a lot going on, but the game will be on yeah.

In our home. And that wasn't, that, wasn't how it panned out. Now we're going to take a short break to just share a few things with you and we'll be right back with our guests. I am so excited to tell you about my first book that I wrote that is launching this summer. It's a 42 week guide to your pregnancy.

It's a collection of birth stories. It has a ton of doula advice from all of the questions that my clients have asked me over the last 14 years. It has hysterical partner tips that you will want to read to your partner. And it has journaling prompts because nobody has time to write a 20 pages in their journal about their pregnancy.

So I've taken the Liberty to give you some prompts of things that I think you might want to remember back on after the baby's born. So again, you can go to birth story.com and preorder a copy today, and it would mean the world to me. Hey guys, if you're enjoying this podcast, then I need your help to spread the word.

If you know anyone who is pregnant is trying to become pregnant or just loves a good birth story. If you could send them to iTunes or Stitcher or Spotify or SoundCloud, wherever they listen to their podcasts and ask them to subscribe to the birth story podcast. Sarah let's go back because by the time I got there and we did a lot of walking and squatting and like got in the tub and all of that kind of thing.

And, uh, but I remember having to have the conversation with you to say, um, you weren't that. Far along. And I don't know if you remember this, but I was like, something were happening. Things would be coming out of that. I feel like I was like, um, so for those listening in labor is active labor approaches and it picks up as your cervix softens and dilate, uh, things.

Leave your body. So I know that was a long day for you. Do you remember like some of the things that you did that helped you just cope with the first day of labor? So I remember probably several, several months before going into labor, I, I continuously listen to pain management, guided imagery. And so I remember just.

Constantly visualizing, uh, what I was just the guy imagery that I had used. And then for you, you, you had taught me how to do that breathing. I call it the primal breath. Uh, so when you're having the contraction and having that really was helpful as well. Um, and I remember that morning just being in the tub and walking around the neighborhood.

I found that to be very helpful too, but it was mostly for me. And particularly going through labor was that. Pain management, uh, imagery that I could recall. Yeah. So earlier Derek was like serious pain tolerance is like CLO. I wanted to strangle him. I don't know how Sarah feels about that. But from a doulas perspective, who's seen a couple hundred women deliver their babies.

Like Sarah is woo. I mean, you handled every single contraction, like so in control and so calm that I would say quite the opposite that her pain tolerance is quite high. I kind of noted that now, now that you put it that way, I guess, I guess that where that was coming from is the fact that I know how she feels at all times.

I'm made aware. Of how she feels and if it's subpar in any way. So, but that's to say nothing of the degree of pain, which she can tolerate, because you're probably right about that. Yeah. So Sarah was verbalizing that she was not comfortable. Right, right. But like, if it's between, if it's hotter than 76 or colder than 68, then it's either freezing or just smoldering volcano of death.

Yes. It's, especially when you're pregnant, how dare you put the thermostat above 70? However, if a woman is maybe even 68, I would say no need to go above 68 during pregnancy. Oh my goodness. Okay. So at some point that evening, What happened? I know we decided to transition to the hospital. It had been almost 24 hours of labor at that point.

And really I could tell that things weren't kind of progressing to that next stage of labor. Like I would like to see them unfold. I remember being in the car. I think it was around lunchtime that we were going to the hospital and, Oh, it was terrible. I had the worst contractions in the backseat and I remember being hunched over the back seat.

Derek was just so focused getting us to the hospital total. And I believe you had arrived at the hospital before we did. Um, cause I remember walking in with you so Derek could go park the car and we went to triage. And I remember the most disappointing thing in triaged was when she checked my cervix.

And it was only one centimeter. Yes. I was pretty devastated. Yeah. So that was, I was in active labor. I felt, and I was like, this baby's going to come soon. And. And then one centimeter and I just remember crying and crying when she said that. Yeah. So you weren't active labor and let's get into it. Can we get into why?

Okay. I was like, I didn't know if you were, Oh yeah. So let's get into why, because this is a huge lesson for anyone out there. And Sarah, just take over and tell everybody what you had been. Diagnosed with and the procedure that you had had sure, sure. Wrong before pregnancy. Yeah. So when I was, I believe I was 17, they had found some cancer cells on my cervix.

And so what they did was I believe it was called cryotherapy. They essentially just. Burned off the cancer cells. And apparently at that point there was scar tissue that was formed on my cervix. And so then when I got pregnant and I don't know, I guess maybe it was just miscommunication with the doc. I wasn't aware that there were scar tissue on my cervix.

And so essentially my cervix wasn't dilating because of the scar tissue. And that's the extent of what I know with, with what was going on on. With my innards. Yeah. And there is another procedure, also the leap procedure and that's, um, I think where they actually cut a part of the cervix out. Sure. And to get the, the cancer cells out and that can also cause scar tissue.

So it's really important if anyone's listening, that's had either of these procedures done and here it is. 10 15 years later. And you don't even think to remember that that happened. It can have a significant impact on your labor. And so at that moment, they were, you know, telling, um, You that you were only one centimeter dilated, but you had been having really strong, hard contractions for a long time and clearly were upset.

I just, at that moment, I'll never forget. I felt like all of my willpower, just one. Out of the window. Cause I felt like I was using this visual and I was trying to be tough and I was trying to push through the contractions and then it was just so discouraging for me to hear that you're only one centimeter dilute.

I had this thing in my mind, this thought in my mind like, Oh, I have to, it'd be eight centimeters or I have to, you know, I have to be pretty progressed in. And then when I heard one, I'm like, No, I get this, this, this, this can't she, she needs to get back in there and then measure again. So, um, so yeah, and, and I guess at that point, what helped me through that is I remember you mentioning to me before, when we had met before labor, um, To keep an open mind.

And that was another thing that I had been meditating on for awhile. Um, before going into labor, like several months before going into labor of, I am going to choose to go through this experience with an open mind. So this is what I would like to happen, but if it doesn't, I'm just going to try and go with it.

So that. I had to remind myself in that moment to think back to that. Yeah. Yeah. So Derek, we get checked into the room after triage and you get delivered the news to that. Sarah hasn't really progressed that much. What were you thinking? I know that it's, she appeared to be in a lot of pain and so it felt like it should be close to the end.

You know, the more severe the pain got she, she couldn't even hardly walk to the, she couldn't walk to the room. I guess they took a, they did the wheelchair thing and you know, to me, that meant should be near the end. So, you know, that. It's hard to hear. Sometimes it's really hard to be a doula for your friends too.

Cause I remember having a moment with you guys that I don't have with all my clients, because there's a difference between pain and suffering. And I think that when they deliver that news to Sarah, she had been so strong and was like, Oh, rock in this natural childbirth. But then she hit this wall that she had.

Absolutely no control over. And that nobody had pre-warned her, that this was a possibility. And then when you said, like, you just felt defeated, you know, I felt that with you too. And I remember having the conversation with you about. Using the epidural as a medical intervention, um, to be able to get maybe out of suffering so that you could go back to a space where you felt strong and confident and rested for the rest of your labor.

And, um, and I remember the doctor explaining to you that the procedure that needs to be done, which is massaging the cervix to break apart. That scar tissue would be much more comfortable with an epidural. And so I just wanted to check in with you right then from someone who was open, um, but had been rocking the natural childbirth and kind of just tell me like what you were thinking when, uh, The birth plan changed.

I remember, um, when the doctor came in and explained that it was going to be pretty damn painful to go through that procedure, I think at that point in time, that was validation for me that okay. It's okay. Cause I think I sort of had a dream in my mind that I would be able to do a natural birth. And at that point in time, I was in so much damn pain that I was just.

I was okay with going down the epidural route and, and getting that over and done with, so, yeah. So tell me about getting the epidural, like, was it a good experience? You know, it was awesome. And do you remember it, like the anesthesiologists coming in and kind of what they did to place the epidural?

Because some people listening are like interested in getting an epidural, but don't know what that looks like. Yeah, I, I was, I felt like it took a while for him to come in, but I have to say that with a grain of salt, because I was in so much pain at that point. So I really genuinely don't know how long it took for him to come in.

But, um, it was pretty fast acting it. They had to give me two epidurals because I could still feel half of my body was still half of my body. I could still feel. So I think, and Derek, you might be a better. Um, yeah, I just remember he said, when he said that this is, this procedure is going to be worse than childbirth.

So I would recommend, I was like, yes, let's do the drugs. And, um, and the procedure is not that , the procedure is the actual, like massaging the surface scar tissue or whatever. Yeah. And so. I was like, yeah, let's do it. And then they suckered me into watching because somebody has to watch apparently, and this needle is enormous.

So maybe I shouldn't. So that's fine. I mean, to all the moms listening, the needle goes into your backs there. I just had to stand there and. See this big thing. I didn't want any part of that. And then later when she had to do it again, I was like, you guys have plenty of staff here. I'm going to go outside.

I don't, I'm not going to watch this a second time, which was hours. What? Six, seven hours later. Whenever it was, but it was a, it's an ordeal. So how long between the first epidural? The second epidural? I don't know. Okay. It was a while though. Cause they placed it and then you realized, hello, I'm only numb on one side of my body.

Like, so then they came back. But once they placed the second epidural, which this doesn't happen a lot people that are it's very rare. Yeah, no. Um, But they came back into the second one. And then you were fully known. Could you feel your feet and your legs? Oh, no, not at all. Okay. I had the best sleep too.

Okay. So I was exhausted. Yay. So the epidural goes in and you go to sleep because it is now what time? It's late. Yeah. You laughed. Thank you. I was going to get to that. Okay. Let me explain to our audience. There's this thing called nursing. And I was nursing my baby still, and it was late at night. And so I couldn't stay through the night.

And so once the epidural was placed, I thought Sarah is going to sleep. I'll go home and go to sleep. And then I'll just come back. For the birth, but that happened a little sooner than I thought it was. So anyway, usually I attend all of the birds of dual clients, but this happened to be during my sabbatical, my maternity leave.

Will you have it? And I was still nursing, so I am apologetic to be fair. There wasn't a whole lot to do. She was out and I was, there's nothing for me to do. I wasn't. Anxious about anything. So it wasn't, so everybody goes, it's like, I go home, I go to sleep. Sarah goes to sleep. Did you go to sleep? Derek?

Okay. So everybody was asleep and I, if I remember correctly, this is like 10 ish at night, right? 10, 11. It was late. No. Yeah, it was late. It was 10 or 11 at night. And so maybe even midnight, it was, it was late. Um, so everybody goes to sleep and then I'm gone. So I. I've, I don't even know the end of this story.

So tell me what happens. I think it was about six in the morning. I woke up in a lot of pain and I remember pressing the button and pressing the button for the drugs. And I'm like, I feel, I feel it I'm feeling everything right now. And I remember. The nurse, the nurse came in and I said, I'm pressing the button and I can, I'm in so much pain.

And she's like, baby, we had to cut it off. So you could feel your contractions and I'm like, no, turn it back. Um, this is also called transition. Okay. Yeah. So when, uh, many times when you have an epidural and you feel all the fields, including the vomit fields and the nausea and the waves of out of control, Um, welcome to transition.

So it's like six something in the morning you're transitioning. Yeah. And then, um, is Derek still sleeping? Oh, no. You're wide awake. Oh yeah. I don't. I only sleep six hours a night on a regular night. So I was up at five. I remember watching. The sun come up. Oh, the window in our, um, hospital room. And I like took a photo of the sunrise and I'm like, got all just, you know, poetic and just cause I was like, what, you know, we went through a hell of a day yesterday and no matter what happens, we're going to have our daughter today, somehow some way we're going to have her in a few hours.

And I just got really, I was just excited, you know? And, um, And then she woke up within a half hour of when I did. And then, you know, um, all the craziness ensued. So what happened? I, this was something that I never knew. I never knew. I would, my body would be shaking so much and that I would be vomiting. I, I, you remember, I don't remember the vomiting.

I looked away for this. I remember someone holding a plastic cup and I was shaking. And then the doctor would say push and then shaking and turning my head to vomit. And, um, I think I only jumped in there to like, hold hands and do. What you're supposed to do when it got really, and when it was like near the end and I needed, it was clear that I was needed.

I remember you holding one of my knees back. Yeah. Once it was like, you know, I knew we were. Seconds or minutes away at the most I was in there. I was like, Oh, I'm going to experience this because I mean, was anybody else in the room with you guys besides the medical staff? Like any family members? No, it was just he and I.

Okay. So just the two of you guys. Okay. Derek, did you watch, like, did you look down there? She still can't believe that. Cause I'm so. You know, kind of modest and like, I hate just anything fluids and you, you know, this is how it's done. I didn't design it. And, uh, see, you know, this is my one chance. Uh, so I love that you watched those, Sarah, did you have a mirror?

Did you watch? I didn't, I didn't names like they'll have you feel that as it's coming out or look or anything, so you, did you just have your eyes closed while you were pushing? Well, the whole time I was pushing, I was doing my visualization for pain management and, um, It worked, it worked. Um, and I just, I was so tired, damn tired.

So tired at that point that I, I just wanted it over and done with, yeah. There was one point that it was just an incredible burning sensation. Yeah. And I remember my best friend telling me that Derek, I remember my best friend saying that it was something like the ring of fire or something. I can't remember.

And, Oh my gosh, I just. I was, I was happy for it to be over with. Yeah. So when she emerged, like usually the head comes out first and then like a shoulder and then the rest of the body. Did you watch that whole thing unfold, Derek? Like, did you watch her head come out first and then kind of watch the whole body.

I think I just took a little peek, but somehow squeezing a hand and just being there and like touching them is a big deal. And so I was just doing that and focused on that and just praying that it was over soon, but also knowing that all this is normal and natural and everybody that's, you know, knows and has seen this before is calm.

So I should be calm too. So I was, you know, more or less fine and excited to see Shaya emerge and like told myself the whole time leading up, you know, throughout pregnancy and everything people ask me and people that know me are like, well, yeah, Derek's gonna, he's not going to look if he's even in the room at all.

And, but, and that's kind of, it was my thinking, but then when it happens, it's just like you got to just peripheral vision or even, and I ended up even looking for a second and it was just like crazy. And then you just, it's just tears streaming down and it's, um, such a monumentous, you know, moment in seconds and time that you can never.

Redo. So I was like, I gotta, you know, capitalize on that and giving like the beginning of this story, like I imagine that that moment, that birth moment was like very healing for both of you guys. Like you seemed very bonded during that labor. Very committed. To each other during that labor. And, um, I can only, I wasn't there for the actual birth, but I can only imagine like seeing your daughter for the first time.

And, um, it feels to me talking to you that, that must've been like a really therapeutic moment for both of you guys in your marriage. I think for me, I remember him being on my left side and just looking up at him and knowing I was safe. That was, that was the therapeutic healing for me, that he is in this with me and things are just really terrible and painful right now.

And he is right beside me. Yeah. Holding one of my legs. Yeah. Well, thank you for sharing your birth story. And before you go, I ask everybody the same question. Tell me about your favorite baby product. So if somebody was pregnant right now, while you're pregnant right now, and you're like going on baby list or doing your registry, like what is something that is like a must have that you want to share with other, other parents?

You must have a top of Chino. Uh, it is, um, I love the name. It is, it was that pad that we had. That's about an inch thick and oval. Someone gave it to me and it helps you. Cause I was so nervous holding a newborn and passing her back and forth. So it's kind of like a mini mattress that you hold while you're holding the kneeboard and it makes it easier to pass the baby from person to person.

I'll look it up and I'll put it in the show notes for anyone that's. That is a must have. Holding cause you know, with the limbs feels very scary, but like what that thing makes you, gives you the confidence to just hold them. And I would say, you know, um, for what it's worth the experience, sharing it the first time with you, even while you were juggling others, um, you know, that, that it was more of a business relationship with, and I'm sure by the end of it, They're all personal relationships, but you, you chose to be our doula because of our relationship and had a lot to juggle and then, you know, doing it again this time around it's, um, it's really, I don't know.

It just means a lot for somebody to go through it with you. That is. Very passionate and interested and curious in a genuine way. And so I just think it's great that you do this and that you care so much about it, that you're doing a podcast to sit and talk about it for people to listen to and learn from.

And it's an honor to be here. And do this and talk about it with you. Yes. I'm so excited to be at your birth too. And you have to promise me that you'll come back in may until everybody about baby number two. Yes. Thank you. Alright, thanks, bye.

Thank you for listening to birth story. My goal is you'll walk away from each episode with a clear picture of how labor and delivery might go, and that you will feel empowered by the end of your pregnancy to speak up plan and prepare for the birth you want. No matter what that looks like.